Last Week of My Third Semester: Output and State of Being

Okey in this semester, although the output is larger, I'm less productive than my two previous semester in term of hour per output. I'm getting lazier, it felt like I can finish all the work in the given time, well actually I did most of it, but that's not what I want. I want discipline, work around the clock, time management, and all other fucking work ethics that I learnt from the famous people, books, or movies.

Now, I'm degraded to the state of survival, which actually the state where I often found myself. In junior high and high school, I learnt how to survive, who cares about getting the best grade, who cares about being number one, who cares about getting the best of the best. Only in the last two years of my high school, and in a couple semesters in University (undergraduate and graduate), and when I worked, I upgraded myself to the state of growing. It pays, but along the way, when I reached my goal, I returned to the survival state.

Anyhoo, I hate myself because I haven't yet finish a paper to be presented or published in a journal. This is "the thing" that I really care. If I manage to finish one paper, it will elevated me to the state of growing, and who knows, to the state of growing fast.

I hope in the summer I will finish the draft for my paper.

When the choices for my activity are enormous, I always remember my old poster of Chairil Anwar cool face who is smoking; and a slogan is written in the bottom of the poster: "Sekali Berarti Sesudah Itu Mati", I won't translate it, because I'm lazy, hahahahha (I think all the readers are Indonesian, hey, why I wrote in this stupid language, damn). Then, I dropped everything else, except one or two activities.

Salute for Chairil Anwar